Like a song that steals the darkness from a world asleep

Bind up these broken bones

Mercy bend and breathe me back to life

But not before You show me how to die

Oh, not before You show me how to die

So let me go like a leaf upon the water

Let me brave the wild currents flowing to the sea

And I will disappear into a deeper beauty

But for now just stay with me

God, for now just stay with me

-Show Me by Audrey Assad

Sept. 17, 2011 -- And in spite of ALL that happened that day, I quietly, and in my own way, celebrated 11 years to the day I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Lord & Savior.

I thank God for the 11 years of allowing me to "journey" as many others would say. It's been an interesting 11 years so far. Filled with for the most part, of me trying to figure out for myself where to go next, and forgetting that I have a guide and map with me and that I should not be afraid to ask. Sometimes it's the being too afraid to know where I will go next that's keeping me from asking, sometimes it's just sheer disobedience and trying to do things 'my' way. I thank God for His patience and His love and for how it abounds.

I guess I just want to share what God has taught me specifically that day. And I know that lesson is most special not only because of the circumstances surrounding that day, but more importantly because of the object of the lesson itself.

That day, two unexpected things happened. Though not directly to me, but they happened in my circle, to which I'm not sure with as to the gravity of the influence of the experiences on me. So as to protect the privacy of those people involved, I will not divulge any names or references. But what I will tell you is the theme that ties both experiences together: suffering and loss.

One physical, the other relational. But both being unmistakably painful, albeit real.

The weekend went by without much processing on my part, and it is only now that i'm trying to pick up after what happened, all the while reminding myself of something that Socrates (correct me if i'm wrong) said, that the unexamined life is not worth living.

And so that is what I did, examine myself first in light of what happened, and next in light of how I should respond to what happened.

I thank God that all the more now, I could really say that it is His presence that has made all the difference in the world for me when it comes to the two things that happened. And though some might argue as to how we can see God's presence in pain and in suffering, I think I will let you find out that one for yourself, as no amount of argument can counter the argument of actual experience. 

And so that's what I'm doing now, speaking from experience, maybe not necessarily first hand, as I mentioned that I wasn't directly involved, but maybe more of experience as part of the ripple that was created by the events that transpired.

(Ephesians 5:13)

"But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light."

I have encountered Ephesians 5 many times before in the past, but this would really be the first time that I was able to see it for myself, especially this part right here of verse 13. My understanding of this verse is now completely changed. And indeed everything that happens, even probably those painful things that we experience, as they fall under the light of Christ, each experience becomes a light upon which other people are ministered to and where we can learn and be guided by.

And I guess that is my takeaway from what happened over the weekend. I am firstly reminded that life is just fleeting, and that we are just but passing by in this world. And that we really need to start being more intentional with how we live our lives, because things can change in a matter of seconds to which our lives as we know it would cease to exist.

Secondly, that pain and suffering are all but part of this world we are living in. And it's not just being familiar with them, but knowing and trusting that behind coupled with every pain is purpose.

And lastly, that God is still sovereign. I thank God for that, now more than ever, He has kept the hope for the best to come alive in my heart and in me.

May we all bask in the unmistakable light that is the presence of Christ Jesus in all of us!

“I believe in Christianity as I believe that the sun has risen: not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else.”

-C.S. Lewis (Is Theology Poetry?, 1945)

"WAIT."

Wait

by Russell Kelfer

-

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;

Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.

I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .

And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

-

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.

"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!

Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?

By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

-

"My future and all to which I relate

Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to wait?

I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,

Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

-

"You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,

We need but to ask, and we shall receive.

And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:

I'm weary of asking! I need a reply."

-

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,

As my Master replied again, "Wait."

So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,

And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting for what?"

-

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .

and He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.

I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.

I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

-

"I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.

You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.

You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint.

You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

-

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;

You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.

You'd not know the joy of resting in Me

When darkness and silence are all you can see.

-

"You'd never experience the fullness of love

When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.

You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,

But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

-

"The glow of my comfort late into the night,

The faith that I give when you walk without sight.

The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask

From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

-

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,

What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.

Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,

But, oh, the loss, if I lost what I'm doing in you.

-

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see

That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.

And though oft My answers seem terribly late,

My most precious answer of all is still . . . Wait."

(taken from: Bloom!)

H-O-P-E

The year came and went quietly. Well, not really came quietly, since it brought about with it so much BANG!, but more so of ending on a very quiet note, almost silent.

2010 was the year of DIVINE ACCELERATION as one of the pastors said in one of the Sunday services.

It was a year of immense growth on different levels, for different people, me included.

But maybe one thing that people don't normally associate with growth, is the pain that comes along with it.

I would imagine how painful it must be for a caterpillar to turn into a butterfly. After all, it's been a caterpillar practically its entire life. I wonder if it ever knew what was coming. I mean, it would have been just an ordinary day of going about the leaves, eating and then sleeping after. And then all of a sudden, the caterpillar awakes in this sac of sorts. Probably feeling trapped and all, with all kinds of fear swimming in its thoughts. But then after some time of struggle, it is able to get out. I'm pretty sure the caterpillar wasn't surprised to see itself once it got out of that cocoon. I am thinking whether the caterpillar knows that what happened was something that needed to happen; that it was a necessary struggle. Because if it didn't happen then the caterpillar would forever be just crawling among the leaves, destroying leaves because of its innate needs for survival, instead of being a life-dispenser of pollen, giving flowers the chance to bloom.

As much as I would want to be a butterfly, I don't think i'm there yet. For the most part of 2010, I think I was still that caterpillar, trapped inside that cocoon. Wondering why i'm here and whether this is the end of me. But maybe one difference between me and that caterpillar, is that I know what happens next for me. I know what's in store. I may not know exactly what is up ahead for me, but I am hopeful.

"And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom He has given us." - Romans 5:5

So why do I worry?

Why do I freak out?

God knows what I need.

You know what I need.

Fragile

Grace Has Made A Way

Clinging to the Cross
Bethany Dillon & Matt Hammitt

My soul is weak, my heart is numb, I cannot see
But still my hope is found in You
I'll hold on tightly, You will never let me go
Jesus You will never fail

My soul is weak, my heart is numb, I cannot see
But still my hope is found in You
I'll hold on tightly, You will never let me go
Jesus You will never fail
Jesus You will never fail

Simply to the cross I cling
Letting go of all earthly things
I'm clinging to the cross

Mercy's found a way for me
Hope is here as I am free
Jesus You are all I need
I'm clinging to the cross

Even darkness is as light to You, my Lord
So light the way and lead me home
To that place where every tear is wiped away
Jesus You will never fail
Jesus You will never fail

Simply to the cross I cling
Letting go of all earthly things
I'm clinging to the cross

Mercy's found a way for me
Hope is here as I am free
Jesus You are all I need
I'm clinging to the cross

What a Saviour, what a story
You were crucified but now You are alive
So amazing, such a mystery
You were crucified but now You are alive

Simply to the cross I cling
Letting go of all earthly things
I'm clinging to the cross

Mercy's found a way for me
Hope is here as I am free
Jesus You are all I need
I'm clinging to the cross

Grace has made a way
Lead me to the one that is higher than love
Lead me, lead me, lead me, oh
Grace has made a way

Simply to the cross I cling
Letting go of all earthly things
Clinging to the cross
Clinging to the cross

what's for dinner? my thoughts + tuna sandwich

Oh my, I think i've gotten so used to microblogging (a.k.a. twitter.com) that i might have forgotten what it's like to write down a real, full-on, blog.

So that's a disclaimer right there to those who will be reading today's post.

I'm a little "frazzled" (for lack of a better term) with a lot of things the past days.

Here's a short list of those things that have been getting to me:


1. BF-GFs in public
-Whether I ride with them in a jeep or pass by them in some mall or eat beside them in another table in a restaurant, i've been feeling negative towards this type of human entity. I really don't have a single/specific reason as to why. Maybe its that everytime i see a 'BF-GF' entity, they always have some type of physical lock with each other (i.e. hands/arms intertwined, the BF arm on the GF's waist, the face touching, etc.). Haay. Physical Intimacy at its worst. Whether it's the manang in me speaking or not, but I find myself becoming increasingly irritated at how these boys & girls are.

2. Impacted Tooth
-It's becoming harder to eat refraining from using the right side of my mouth. Although I have talked with my dentist friend, she says that maybe we will have to extract (?) that tooth, but that first I should have an xray done to find out if that is really what's causing the pain. Although it's not that excruciatingly painful yet (probably thanks to the two sheets of Mefenamic Acid she gave for me to drink every 4 hours), it's such a complete discomfort.

3. Hot, Hot, Hot Weather
-Well Summer's here officially as declared by Pag-Asa last thursday. The temperature and humidity anywhere outside the reach of an aircon has become increasingly untolerable for most, including myself.

======================================================

Of course the beauty of God's created life is that there's also a chance for us to experience the good stuff (a.k.a. list of things that made my day- as of typing time) :

1. Fruit Magic Juice Lounge
- This is now my self-declared hiatus place. Where my anti-social self goes to escape with either a book + journal or with my laffy tafft as what I'm doing at this very moment. Lovely fruit shakes + free wifi = top ways to escape the summer heatwave.

2. "Up" wins 2 at the Oscars
-My favorite animated movie won Best Animated Feature Film & Best Original Score.
Great Job to the production people behind this year's Academy Awards, the hosts Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin were funny at the right moments and not at all irritating like some of their predecessors. The only performance (dance) of the night featuring the nominees for best musical score made me cry. Well only the part where they were performing the musical score for Up. That movie just has this uncanny ability to tug at my heart and make the tear ducts work, in a good way of course. Hahaha.


3. My pick-me-up song

"And doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver; the way things could've gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar when everyone wants a little more?
And so that I do remember to never go that far,
Could you leave me with a scar? "
-Scar (Missy Higgins)

======================================================

Isaiah 55:8
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways..."